Saturday, July 08, 2006

Sharing my Heart

I want to share just a bit of my heart with you tonight. The past two weeks have been very hard ones for me. Some of it was of my own making, but some of it is just a part of life. Our pastor has taught us that life runs in cycles, and that's easy to remember when you're in a good cycle, but when the down times come, it's hard.

There is nothing seriously wrong, so don't worry! It's just the everday ups and downs of life, ministry, marriage, and motherhood. It seems like Satan preyed on those things, though, and I went through a time of just weariness and feeling overwhelmed, listening to him tell me that God doesn't really care, He sent us up here to let us fail - has anyone heard these things from this liar before? I spent some time crying, some time praying, lots of time reading the Bible, and some time reading the blogs of many of you who read mine. I was amazed at how many times someone would post a devotional thought that they'd gotten from somewhere online, or something that they would find in their own devotions, that spoke to my situation exactly. It was like God was in there stirring around in my innermost heart, reminding me that He is indeed here in North Vancouver, BC - right with me - and He has not forsaken me. Then I'd do some Bible reading of my own, and there He was again - imagine that! LOL And then I'd pray - brutally, honestly pray, telling Him my inmost thoughts, which He already knew - and once again, He was there, whispering into my heart that He does indeed love me - I don't know how He can, but He has assured me He does! You can think God doesn't love you, but if you're saved and you just get up in His lap and ask Him, He'll let you know He does! :)

So I just wanted you to know that many, many of you have been a blessing to me the past few weeks, even when you had no idea that you were, and I wanted to thank you. And if you've been nudged by the Lord to pray for me and you did - thank you! I know I'll probably have a down day or two again sometime, but each time I come through it is another time I can look back on and know that I'll come through again.


  1. Oh Susan - I just have tears running down my face right now. You mentioned that God used others to speak to you, yet at the same time, He was using you to speak to me. We've been going through a tough time lately here too, and I just wanted to thank you for letting Him use you to encourage me tonight. I really needed it.

  2. Oh Susan, when the devil spends his time on you, you know your doing something right and he doesn't like it.

    I can feel for you, I know being on a mission field changes everything. I seems like ol' sleuthfoot works over time to destroy and tear down.

    Just stick with it. Sounds like your doing fine fighting the devil and his devices. Still it's not easy.

    What a blessing you are to all us "readers" out here. Hang in there, the top of the mountain will be here before you know it. :o)

  3. Susan, you are such an encouragement to me. Your post was sad, yet uplifting. We, too, are going through those ups and downs of life. I keep telling myself that this too shall pass. But it's hard not to get discouraged. You've encouraged me today. Thank you for that.

    ~Sis Kristi

  4. Morning, Susan, hope you found joy in the morning, just like He promised.
    Don't wait so long to share your needs! We love you and will pray anytime. You've got friends in just about every time zone!

    Remember that what you do is of great importance, therefore you are subject to attack more often. So many times missionary families are attacked, mommy-first.

    Blessings and Joy to YOU!!


  5. Hi Susan -- this fragile human existence...oh! That we could escape the bonds of our flesh. But we have! Though trials will come and go, we have been sealed for our final destination..Heaven. Your post shows that when afflicted, you hide in the shadow of the Almighty. Wise woman. Remember this: if you (in Christ) were NOT A THREAT to old "damed to burn" down there, he wouldn't be a'buggin' you. How great is THAT REALITY?? God sees fit (with protection) the trials we must face. He knows the whys. In your weakness He shines the most brightly. Go with the love of God forward. You are His precious jewel.

  6. Oh Susan.....these are the kind of posts that deeply bless my heart. NOT because the you are down....I wish we could always be up on the mountain top but as you know that is not *real* life.

    But you sharing your heart in this way is such a blessing to me because of your honesty. It's so easy on the blogs to only show our best side or to make ourselves look good.....but you've shown us honesty and humanity.

    It's just so inspiring to see someone who is hurting and going through some rough times turn to God and His word like you have.....Christ just shines through all your words.

    You're such a blessing, friend.....and such an example to the rest of us.

    And remember, what Tori said is so **true**'re doing something that is making a difference, that's why the enemy is targeting you. It's like Mrs. Schaap says....'If satan can't get to your husband, he'll try to get to your husband through you'....and you're doing all the right things! It's NOT wrong to feel sad or down at times and it's not wrong to shed tears. Now that I know, I will pray for you.

    Blessings **DEAR** Susan...I'm so glad I found your blog. (o:

  7. Thank you all, sweet ladies, for your kind and thoughtful words! I'm glad that my words were an encouragement to some of you - hang in there! And thank you for your prayers, too. Sometimes things are just a little too private to share on a blog, but the Lord knows all things. I haven't arrived spiritually; I'm still learning lots of the simplest lessons that many of you have probably already learned! We're all a blessing and a help to each other! Thank you again!

  8. I think sometimes we have to learn some of those lessons over and over again. I know I do.

    I loved Rhonda's have friends in almost every time zone. That's something to think about...and a Father who resides over all of them. :) You'll be in my prayers.

  9. Oh Sister can I relate!! I have been through those times and can see another one coming on when the enemy is on the attack either in the home or in the church. Right now he is on the attack in some of our people's homes and it is so heartbreaking to see them hurting. We are fixin to go through a time of trusting the Lord like we've not had to go through in several years. But God knows all things and never makes a mistake. So we are resting in Him and in His promises!! His Word is full of them. I'm sure you already knew that and have been leaning heavily on them these past days. Keep leaning on Him and His promises and let Him strengthen you and guide you through this time. I am praying for you and although I can't relate to being a missionary wife I can relate to being a pastor's wife and to being a mother!! I love you Sis!!

  10. I just prayer for you. And for all the other bloggers whose blogs I read. May God be with you today...


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