Seven Things I Learned From My Friend's Death: Part One
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| Michael and Kim Boling |
At the time I'm writing this post, it's been a little over five weeks since the death of my friend, Kim Boling. If you've been reading my blog over the past couple of months, you saw our urgent prayer requests for her as she was sick, and I know many of you prayed for her. If you don't know Kim's story, you can read it here.
During those two weeks that Kim was sick, and as it became clear that she was not going to recover, I began to realize some things that I already knew and to learn new things about faith in God and how to handle such a tragedy as a Christian, a person who believes wholeheartedly that God makes no mistakes and works all things for our good and His glory.
I asked Kim's mother and husband for their permission and blessing on my writing this post. They both gave their blessing for me to write this, and both mentioned that Kim would be honored if she knew that her sickness and death had helped even one person's faith to grow. I write these thoughts after much prayer, soul-searching, and tears.
Lesson #1: Giving my children to God may include their death. This lesson I learned from Kim's parents. Her father, Pastor Claud Slate, said they gave their baby girl to God the day she was born, and they haven't taken her back, even if it means her death. That statement is the most important lesson I learned from the entire time. We gave our children to the Lord when they were born, and as they have made decisions to serve Him throughout their lives, I have had to make that commitment over and over again. I always thought the hardest thing I would have to do is see them leave for a country far away, going as missionaries. I never considered that giving them back to God might mean He would take them to Heaven. I had to face that and make yet another commitment of my children to God, that of surrendering them even to the point of death. I hope with all my being that we will never have to face the death of one of our children, but I now realize that surrendering them to God means surrendering everything, including their very lives. (Genesis 22:12; I Samuel 1:27,28)
Lesson #2: I truly am not promised tomorrow, next week, or next year. Kim was posting each day on her Facebook status something that she was thankful for. She began on January 1st, and numbered each day. Her last status was on Day 33. I know that by the end of the year she planned to have 366 things she was thankful for. When I think of that 33 days, I'm reminded that, although I plan to be here for years to come, I actually don't have the promise of tomorrow. I need to be busy with the work God has given me today. Today may be my last day in my home. I need to make today count. (James 4:14)
Lesson #3: Don't take for granted that you will see someone again. Wes and I last saw Kim and Michael two years ago. They were going on an Alaskan cruise for their anniversary, and their ship departed from Vancouver, where we were living at the time. So they came up, and I met them at the train station. We took them to our favorite restaurant and showed them around North Vancouver, and I took them to the cruise terminal the next morning. I casually dropped them off, waving goodbye and wishing them a good time, and they struck off down the terminal, full of the joy of taking such an exciting trip. I had no idea I would never see Kim again.
Lesson #4: Everyone we know has an impact or influence in our lives - or vice-versa. (Romans 14:7) Only after Kim became sick did I realize that she had been Beth's Sunday school teacher for a time. I have no doubt that Kim's influence on my little girl had a part in who that little girl has become. We don't know who we are influencing, for good or bad. I'm thankful that Kim was a good influence upon our daughter. Who do I influence among my neighbors, among the children at church, among the children I teach on Wednesday nights, among the ladies at church, among my family members?
I will continue this post tomorrow. If you'd like to comment about something you've learned through the death of illness of a loved one or friend, please feel free to do so. We can all learn from each other - that influence I spoke of above - and I'd love to hear your thoughts!
Susan we have two church members who are fighting for their lives right now-one precious lady with metastasized breast cancer, who still comes nearly every Saturday to knock on doors. (The doctors have no idea how she can even walk.) Plus a 15 year old boy who is struggling with tumors. He doesn't have much time left with us if God doesn't heal him. This "letting God have your children" has really come home to all of us as we try to support these families. The lady has a ten year old girl, and she's the only saved person in the family. She wants to live so she can finish raising her. My heart breaks for both of these families. They struggle with their faith too, but God has already provided miraculous strength. There are some things I just can't imagine going through, and honestly, don't have any desire to dwell on imagining. These people are teaching me about God's grace, and how He can provide peace and even joy in the worst circumstances.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your heart-searching post, Susan. I prayed for this lady, and wept for her family when she passed. It made me think about what it means to be "in the hands of God". It doesn't mean bad things won't happen, but that He is in control.
Sarah, isn't it amazing how those around us can inspire us? I'm like you, when trying to imagine going through some of these things: I don't even want to dwell on it. Thanks for commenting, Sarah! I appreciate your insights!
DeleteWe've known so many people our age to pass away in the last few months, and it has brought some of these truths home as well, especially that we're not promised another day. And I can only imagine the grief of having a child die or face something like becoming disabled through a tragic accident or illness.
ReplyDeleteI think it is at the end of Changed Into His Image by Jim Berg, where he is discussing his father's death, that he brought out truths from Ecclesiastes 7:2 that I had never thought about before: "It is better to go to the house of mourning, than to go to the house of feasting: for that is the end of all men; and the living will lay it to his heart." We really want to avoid the house of mourning as much as possible, but here are precious truths to be brought home there.
These posts are wonderful, Susan. I am glad you brought it to our attention that Google and Feedburner were not cooperating, so I could come here and read what you had written. I too prayed for Kim and have continued to pray for her family. It's so hard to understand, but we have to remember that God is sovereign and makes no mistakes. He intends to use this for His glory in some way.
ReplyDeleteElizabeth George says in one of her books that we can take every inexplicable situation in our lives and file it between the bookends of God's wisdom and His knowledge. "O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are His judgments, and His ways past finding out!" (Romans 11:33). That thought has comforted me many times, as I have faced some very inexplicable situations in my own life over the past few years.
As for lessons learned through the death of loved ones, there have been those in the past. The summer my youngest daughter graduated from high school, her best friend was killed instantly in a car accident caused by an impaired driver. What a blessing her friend's parents were! Of course their daughter's death caused them untold pain and heartache. Yet they comforted others by reminding them that before Emily was even conceived, God knew this would happen. Even my own daughter's reaction, when I had to tell her that her friend had been killed, was such a blessing to me when, through anguished tears, she told me, "It would be selfish to wish her back."
To me it all just underscores the importance of nurturing a close walk with God, a vibrant prayer life and a working knowledge of God's Word. Then when these times come, we have a strong foundation and will be able to face our difficulties in His strength and to view them in the light of eternity.