I wrote the following paragraphs a few years ago on the homemaking blog I had at the time, With Heart and Hand (which I'm considering reviving, by the way!). I was over there looking over my archives and saw this post, and I thought I'd share it with you over here. I did make a few changes from the original post, as it had some FlyLady terminology in it that isn't relevant at this time. The opening statement referred to a couple of testimonials from the Yahoo Groups FlyLady e-mail list. I can't remember them now, of course, but apparently they had something to do with having grumpy husbands, and something in them touched a chord with me. Here are my thoughts from that day:
Don't wives give their husbands at least a hug when they come home? Wow! Do you think that maybe our self-absorbed, me-first, meet-my-needs-before-I'll-meet-yours act is what is causing so much unhappiness and divorce? We really need to consider this, ladies. I would almost bet that most of us have those steady guys who work day in, day out with people who couldn't care less about them personally. Everybody out there is already looking out for #1. They're not going to give your man any appreciation, except maybe the office manager or crew foreman in his annual job performance review. Oh, but wait, there is one person who might give him some attention, just in case you don't: that cute little gal that's his secretary, or the sleek, made-up co-worker who always looks and smells so good, or the clerk at the corner gas station who probably isn't as pretty as she is friendly. That secretary will do things for him (to keep her job) that you won't do because "he should be able to take care of himself . . . he's a big boy; I'm not his servant." The co-worker will tell him what a great job he's doing on that project he tried to tell you about last night, but you couldn't listen because you were chatting with your friend, or you were too tired, or you were online, or you were getting your work done . . . or whatever. The friendly clerk at the convenience store will say good morning to your man when he stops to get his coffee, because you couldn't get up to make it for him or get the coffee pot ready last night. Why don't we see these things before it's too late?
Please understand I'm not making excuses for men who commit adultery and/or leave their wives. Every man is personally responsible and accountable for the choices he makes. No amount of bad behavior on your part excuses bad behavior on his part. But . . . how much easier for him to come home and forget all those other women when you meet him at the door with a warm hello and a warm hug and kiss. How much more exciting home is when he knows there's a woman there - the woman he chose to spend his life with - who thinks he's the greatest man to ever walk the earth. Of course he makes mistakes and does bonehead things! So do you! Things like sitting at the computer all day instead of getting up and getting something done, for instance. How much more fun it is to come home to children who are excited to see him because Mom has gotten excited that Dad's coming home. Yeah, it's a feminist's worst nightmare and the subject of many jokes, but it's a man's dream to come home to a happy, warm wife who welcomes him home with open arms and pleasant words . . . and far too often, it's his unrealized fantasy.